Tunnel Vision

Just finished the first exam for Neuroscience, and while I know that I passed, there was a lot of guessing going on. At first I thought it was because I had missed things said in lecture (remember I stay home to read and study), but after the test, when I talked to those who go to ALL of the lectures, they too guessed a lot. Not in the readings, not in the lectures, not in the syllabus, then where the heck are they getting these test questions from? I no longer stress about it though, just keep moving forward, one day, one lecture, and one test at a time.

I am very excited to see a light at the end of the tunnel, that is, I see a break from sitting on my my butt all day studying, to days spent standing on my feet taking care of patients. We got to request our third year rotations, which entails picking one of 8 different "tracks" or orders of rotations through the required clerkships of: Internal Medicine, Ob/Gyn, Surgery, Rural, Family Medicine, Pediatrics, and Psychiatry, plus one open block for an elective. Some students say that it doesn't really matter what order you go through your rotations in the hospital (that basically you don't have a life no matter what - reminds me of a NPR story many years ago I heard on the radio. A study indicated 75% of third year medical school students wish they had never started medical school, but that they were too far in (debt) to stop. I remember wondering at that point, or more likely I vehemently convinced myself, that I would NOT be one in that 75% category. We'll have to wait and see if that pans out....).

Anyhow, so I took the schedule home and asked my family, Ronando and Erinna and the cats, what rotation schedule they think would work best for our family, knowing that certain rotations are much harder than the others. I basically asked them which months of the year was it OK for me to be gone completely (Rural rotation is off in some very small po-dunk town, where you live for a month), or to be home only a few hours a day, but incoherent (surgery rotation hours are typically 4:30am to 10pm...and students often fall asleep standing up in surgery), or to be gone at night a lot (Ob/Gyn - women tend to have babies more often at night, it's an evolutionary remnant of those animal days as it's safer to give birth in the dark so the predators won't eat your young), or the months it was OK to just be gone all day 7 am to 6 pm (the rest of the rotations). Imagine the blank looks I received in response, and then the eyes that asked "How about none of the above?" That's right, none of the rotations really work with having a family, nor with having a normal life where you sleep 8 hours a night, eat 3 balanced meals a day, and have time to exercise or have fun, at least every OTHER day. Welcome to third year of med school, which will start on June 22nd, after the first step of the board exam.

So I sent in my request, and like many other things in medical school, will just have to wait and see what falls in my lap. And make the best of it. That's all I can do right? Can't change the system, can't make medical school more humane, can't construct tests that actually test our knowledge, can't teach all the lecturers how to teach, and can't change the hour requirements for third year. So be it. I will do as I have always done, grin and look forward to the light. The good part about the long hours in the hospital though is that my days will be filled not only with "scut" work - as students we will be at the bottom of the totem pole, but I will be able to SEE and HEAR and TALK with patients! Yippee!

Napping

You may be wondering where I've disappeared to....I had a two week break in December and the first few days in January, during which time I didn't do much more than sleep, eat, take naps, cook yummy food, and catch up on a lot of TV. Watched the second season of Heroes, the fifth season of ER, and started the new series Mad Men (Ronando loves it, I think it's OK, kind of slow in comparison to the adrenaline busting scenes from ER). Watched some movies that I've wanted to see for years (and that all my friends had already seen when they first came out in the theaters, so I couldn't find anyone to watch them with). In short, I was lazy, and completely NORMAL, for a mere two weeks. Other than a solstice party and a Christmas dinner at the in-laws, I didn't even "do" the holidays. So it was wonderful....I have not slept that much...since, well maybe, since I was a newborn. Every night I went to bed when I was tired, and woke up whenever my eyes opened. If I felt even the least bit tired during the day, I took a nap (much to Ronando's chagrin, who works from home and would look at me enviously as I headed off to nap heaven). One day I even took two naps, and in retrospect, I realize that it was a bit piggish on my part.

But of course as the second week rolled along, I got a bit antsy and did actually do some work. Read a few books, did the year end bookwork, and even painted my kitchen (RED!). Oh ya, we had this wonderful snow/ice storm that kept us holed up in our condo for over a week. - perfect for more napping - The roads were disastrous (we did go out once, and got hit by some sports car driving too fast on the ice). We played in the snow, went sledding, drank hot cocoa with Kahlua or Bailey's Irish Creme, and enjoyed a real winter!! Sorry Portland, but Christmas lights look ridiculous without snow.

All that has come to an end, as we returned to class on Monday, or as I should say for myself, a member of the troublesome "breakfast club" (see posting from 2/11/08 if you are curious about how I "break" the rules), a return to sitting on my butt all day at the kitchen table cramming more information into my head. Not that I don't like to learn, or that I'm not excited about Neuroscience, which is what we are now studying, and right up my alley since having done pain research over the summer where I got to stimulate rat brains. It's just that going from ten hours a night sleep and daily naps and nothing to do, to six or seven hours of sleep and way too much to do in the remaining 18 hours, was like jumping into the ice cold waters of the Anartic. And I am NOT a member of the polar bear club, do not get off on masochism, and so have suffered dearly this week. Trying to open my books to study was like trying to move my arms through a thick layer of molasses. I didn't even buy my books for the class until Wednesday!! And people in my class accuse me of being a gunner (that's the term they use for a medical school student that is way gung-ho, and only thinks about studying, and prepares way in advance, never taking time off). Yes I am passionate about what I am learning, but as I just said, I don't like to suffer.

Now that it's Sunday night, we are headed into the second week of Neuroscience, and while I am not even yet caught up on last week's lectures, my head finally feels like it's in the right place. I've regained my motivation to learn, my limbs move much faster towards the books, and I can sit on my butt for more than just 20 minutes before I take a break and do something else. (Which is so easy to do when you study at home - there are always things calling for your attention, either the literal meeooooowwww call of the cats, or the mesmerizing call of the dust that needs, right now, to be wiped off the coffee table). I can always find lots of reasons to not study.

The biggest reason to get going and start some serious studying is that the clock is ticking towards the first step of the board exam, which I just coughed up a whooping $495 to register for, and will take in June. (Think that's a lot of muula? Wait until Step 2, that costs $1500 PLUS you have to FLY YOURSELF to one of three locations for the practical clinical exam). I'm not that worried about a measly couple thousand dollars though; not when I will owe a quarter million dollars when I am done with all this! If you thought I was crazy before, then you probably KNOW by now that I am crazy to pay $250,000 for this medical school/hazing torture, but once I get in the exam room, and look into the eyes of the patient, then I will know it will all be worth it!

Happy New Year to all my friends and family. You are in my thoughts, in between the dorsal column medial meniscus pathway and the corticospinal tract. Cheers!