Oh...Dr. Brooke?

There's something that happens once you start medical school and you go home to visit your family for the holidays. Every family member asks you about their health, no matter that you usually have no idea what they are suffering from. No matter when you explain you are just a student, only in your third year, and that you really won't learn anything until you finish residency, and at that point, you will only know what you specialize in. No matter, you still get barraged with questions. One family member launched his questions just as I stepped into the door with the statement, "Dr. Brooke what's this thing growing on my upper lip." So I peer in between the gray hairs of the mustache, looking intently like I am trying to decide from a long list of possibilities what this little growth may be, and have to admit, "I don't know what it is, you need to go see you doctor." Then I get an incredulous look, with the underlying and implied response being, "God don't you know anything?", and "What are you paying all that money for?" and "Are you sure you're in medical school?"

And in fact, I am constantly being reminded at how little I know. Sure I knew at one point, right before I took a 4 hour exam, and right after which it all disappeared from my short term memory in preparation for the next cram session. The things that have stored themselves in my long term memory at this point are only the diseases that are associated with actual patients that I have seen and taken care of in the last 6 months. And because I have just started the third year of clinical rotations, there are not a lot of patients and their stories in my head quite yet. There is really something to be said for apprenticeship however, it works! Too bad I can't just start an apprenticeship in physical medicine and rehabilitation. Nope, have to continue learning all about all aspects of medicine, and if I did a rotation in dermatology, then I may be able to answer my family member's question about that little growth on his upper lip.

So sometimes I have no idea what my family member is suffering from, and at other times, I hear my family talking about medical things that are way off from the actual truth, and then I have to figure out how to explain it in a way that is not condescending. Take something another family member said to me, "You know there are cancer cells in mother's milk." I just took a deep breath, and thought about correcting her, and then thought about how I would go about explaining what cancer really is...and gave up before I even tried. So many times I have heard people in my family say that medicine will never cure cancer because "they" make too much money off of cancer! That's one statement that I have no interest in even taking a bite of, so I just nod my head, and say something lame like, "You know cancer is not one disease. It depends on which type of cancer you have, and each one is so different, and it depends on the cell type...." all the while watching the eyes glaze over, and my family member moves on to their next attack on the health care system.

Today I heard about how ridiculous it is for a blood test for testosterone to cost $600. Of course I do think that's an insane amount of money, but I couldn't come up with a good reason why it would even have to cost that much. Must be a very specific test, one that has to be sent out to some special lab. I just bought my husband a book called "Money Driven Medicine, Why US Health care Costs So Much," and I'm hoping to read it myself, and maybe I will be able to answer the question about a testosterone test costing $600, maybe not.

I think what I am realizing is that I thought that once I started learning medicine I would start to KNOW things, you know, like what is that growth on the upper lip, or what cancer is, or why a hormone test is so expensive. Instead I am constantly feeling like a visitor in a foreign country. The language sounds familiar, and I've heard the words before, but my short time in the medical world means I still don't know the answers. And even if I did, maybe when I am here visiting family on vacation, I would choose to not know the answers, just so I could have a break, and be the person I used to be.